Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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