Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
