He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
