Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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