bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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