Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize