Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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