yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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