i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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