worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
