I wanna passion pit in your ass
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
