he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
