I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
