OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
