So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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