Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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