You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
