She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize