Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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