yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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