um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
