why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
