I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize