Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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