Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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