You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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