somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
