I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
