Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
