Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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