I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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