Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize