I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize