I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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