Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
