Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
