You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
