LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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