hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My penis needs a shock collar
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize