Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You ruined the universe
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
