you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
