his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
