as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
