Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Fuck appropriateness.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
