I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
