this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
