Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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