he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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