i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
