he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
