I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
