when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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