what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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