He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
