I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
