I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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