My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
