Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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