First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
