I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
