I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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