Moan for me like Helen Keller
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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