white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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