Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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