Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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