also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
