i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
