Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I forget how to act sober
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
