After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The air was thick with penises
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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