I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
