So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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