i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
