So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
