ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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