Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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