"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
