I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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