I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
