oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
