i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
