just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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