How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
