I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
