if i can run in heels then i can drive
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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