We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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