when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
