using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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