Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
