3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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